Ending it....

It has been a long time since I last blogged... to whoever is reading this anyway. I took a look at a few of my archery juniors' blog and it is like damn long loh. I didnt know that so many of my archery juniors blog until I found one of them, and then interlinked to a lot others. Hmmm....

Just talked to a junior a few days ago who was shooting badly. She wanted to quit the competition because she said that she is shooting badly. I can tell that she is the diligent type who comes down to training (sometimes even more than us, the seniors) and yet she cannot produce results. I told her my story, I asked her : have you ever tried studying the whole week for a test (4 hours per day for 5 days) and get 2 marks out of 25? My 20 hours is only worth 2 marks... This is the time when you wish you can cry out loud, but there is simply no tears. This goes the same to relationship. No matter how much effort you put in, you may not get the returns.

My point is, life is like that and it is never fair. You have to carry on. Girl, if you happen to read this, keep trying. I know I will keep on trying, school work, or even trying to fall in love again. ^^

I read somewhere : When you give up, then it is really over. = /

Today is NTU invitational shoot 2005. I managed to get the second medal in my soon ending archery career, 3rd in individual placing 'C' recurve. Dun really wish to talk about the team event thing which is a major cock up, which would have given me the 3rd archery medal (2nd placing), but I guess that is life isn't it?

I remember the first was one guy from TP (Tian feng, I think, with 602), Second was Jiaxiang (May's boyfriend, 585) and third is me at 579. I think overall the shoot was not really ok, although I did win something. My best score was 603 during practise and my best distance is 311 for 122, 30m. (Jiaxiang won best distance at 305) I was actually aiming for 600 for this competition... But i guess this is a good way to end my career... For the junior that was shooting badly, I am really glad that she is there today. Although she hits badly, who cares? As long as you have the courage to go on shooting. YOU GO, GIRL!!!!

Come to think of it, the thought of moving to the back sort of saddens me. After all, this is something that is with me for almost 2 years. From standard class to C class the route is so long... (can I put it that way?) If I could, then I would stay... but I really cannot afford to shoot anymore.

This one is good.

Hmmm... a few days ago received a shocking news... my heart aches and my response was "ARGH!!!! WHY!!!!!" But anyway, life goes on.

These few days have been actively involved in my Soka activities... but I think this cannot last... because I have to take care of my studies. I mean if there are any buddhist talk I will still go and attend, but if it is any youth activities, I dont think I will want to take part. Because I have even given up archery to find more time for studies and if I take part actively in this wouldnt it be wasting my efforts? At least not this sem.

I gave myself a one time good spank yesterday during training ... the 38 pounds string snapped against my armguard, broke it, and leave a blue black the size of my Nokia 6610. One word: "Ouch"

Came back from National Stadium. Singapore Won the Tiger Cup!!!

Wah, just saw this piece of poem or whatever from a fren's blog, which she cut and paste from dont know where. I think it's good to share with you guys. (whoever is reading my blog anyway)

THIS IS WHAT A GIRL TELL A GUY

If you see me walking the road with someone
else It's not because I like his company
Its because you're not brave enough to walk
beside me.

If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you're too deaf to hear my
heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Because you're not there to catch me fall

If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don't know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other's path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him
It's you I want to walk with
Don't let me talk of him
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for him
It's you I want to fall in love with.


HOW THE GUY REPLY

When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk
beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty
that stands before me

When you thought I was too deaf to hear your
heartbeat I didn't want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship

When you thought I wasn't there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you've already
grabbed a branch

If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am
lost I too don't know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don't let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don't let me talk of something else
It's you I want to talk with
Don't let me fall for someone else
It's you I want to fall in love with.


I was like wah~~~ when I read this...

Which way?

A lot had happened since the last few days and I dunno where to start typing.

Tomorrow is the day I am going to meet the A/P with regards to my academic studies. I am not very worried but I am still quite upset that I have to meet him... if only I have done better? I guess that this is the ultimate test of my faith.

In case there are some archery people that reads my blog, I informed the senior com and is moving to the back, which means I won't be training with you guys anymore. I hate to leave the team but I have to take care of my studies. I will be back for Indoor competition. Pray for me...

There is one occasion which I manage to talk with a more senior guy in my religion, which has more experience with Buddhist stuff. I asked him, if I have the power to exchange 1 life of either my family or friends for the 150,000 lives of the tsunami victims, and I opt not to exchange, am I being selfish? Can I still spread Buddhism this way?

His answer to me was "Yes". He told me that Buddhism don't go extreme ways, it seeks a balance.(which I don't really understand) This is not about being selfish, this is natural. So even if I choose not to save the lives of 150,000 people, I can still spread Buddhism.

This enlighten me to a couple of things.

a)I am not a saint, I am only human and I have desires and wants. I can only do what I can within my limits to help others. Failure to sacrifice oneself to help others does not make you less admirable?

b)I must understand more in order to spread my faith.

新的一年，收拾心情，重新上路。

Hmm... a lot happened last year. I think a lot of things worth mentioning and recapping in no particular order.

1)First time I went out with a girl alone in 22 years (14 Jan),then spending the remaining of the year thinking of her.(She is attached)

2)Got my first archery medal.(in Jun)

3)Establish my faith in Gohonzon again.(in Jan)

4)Realise that you can only do your best, the rest is not up to you. At least you are able to hold up your head.

5)Went to Foam party with no foam (in Dec)

6)Went to Sunway Lagoon (in Dec)

7)Get confused time and again. (from June)

8)Perform infernal affairs(whole year)

That's about summary for the whole year that I feel is worth mentioning...

What happen to "All the best to her and her boyfriend"?

Tomorrow I will be going to sunway lagoon. Not really excited about the trip as I am going with my parents. Should have just stayed home and lam nua. But anyway, I hope this will be an interesting trip.

Now I am calmer than yesterday. Yesterday was really jialat, I realised that I am unable to think rationlly when she is around. I keep wondering if her "him" turns up for the KTV session will I be able to take it. The worst thing is my friends can't tell when to stop teasing. I am quite certain that I have given enough hints to not to disturb me, but somehow, they don't get it. >< I think one day I will eventually snap.

Another friend (Melissa) went yesterday. I think she needs to improve her Chinese to read the songs, but she is a fun friend to be with.

Went to watch Kung Fu hustle just now. It was bloody crappy. Don't watch it.

Money irony

Hmmm.... this whole day I have been staying at home doing little little things which I never have time to do, eg, wash the fan, wash my slippers, watch some vcds.

This morning while thinking through I realise something about $. Those who know me know that I am not affluent in any way. I wondered why I don't bother to find work and earn money so that I can buy more stuff and go out more often. My parents have given me just enough for me to spend, with no excess. Although my mum often complain to me about the lack of $, we still get by.

I realise that if I have to work to enjoy myself, i will simply opt to go out less often and be contented with the amount I am given. Is there anything wrong with this kind of mentality? I don't know. I know that if my family is in need and I have to work to feed my family, I will gladly do it. But if I have to work to enjoy myself later, the drive to work is distorted and simply not there.

I crossed-examined myself, I am not a spoilt brat and demand fancy stuff. If my parents can sponser me something, all the better. If not, so be it... I don't smoke, I don't go out and cheong and I don't have a girlfriend. (which sometimes I wondered is good or bad) I wouldn't demand something from my parents, and there are not many things which I will deem as a "need", it is often more of a "want". Boring life? Maybe. But if I do not have a strong need of something, why would I work so hard for it? I think this is my character.

Eventually when I graduate I will go out and work and support my family and parents. This is my duty as a son and I will do it. But meanwhile, i would rather go out less often and be happy with $200 a month.

放弃生活享受，来享受生活.. I think this is just me.

Finally the war is over...

Finally the war is over.

Although we did not emerge victorious for several events, at least we put up a good fight. After all, we have only one week of preparation before the competiton. Next competition we will kick their asses.

A few interesting events happened during the competition which I thought was worth sharing...

a) A female friend (M) offered to apply muscle rub for me as my back was feeling funny on the first day of competition. I was thinking, "Why not?" until I realised her admirer, WB, (I doubt he is going to read my blog anyway) from NTU was approximately 10m in front of me, with his carbon-whatever arrows still in his quiver, and a open shot of my head. I can almost see the fire in his arrows when he destroyed the helpless 40cm target. The next thing I was thinking : Shit, another enemy made.

b) During the competition, I manage to hit my target for which I was rather happy, but I think I over-exerted myself. There was one particular arrow where my right shoulder just gave way when I anchor. Luckily it was not twisted, but I was really shocked when that happened.

c) Word I am thinking of at the shooting line: click, click, click....

Word I am thinking of when retrieving arrows: cut, cut, cut....

d) The second day individual knock out the first match was against my senior (B). I managed to qualify for the knock out. I lost to him by 12 points, 140 to 152 I felt that it wasn't a good fight as I havent done my best. I will win him next time.

It was a good experience after all. Looking forward to more juniors shooting next competition.